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= Let’s Bust A Dominant Myth =
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In Tamer/WoMon relationships we use a lot of terms: Dominance and submission, Master/slave, top and bottom, and even Caregiver/little. The definition is in the phrase: power and control are exchanged between partners, with one person taking control and having the power, while the other partner gives up control.
Myth:Tamers can force WoMai to do whatever they want.
 
  
Fact: the WoMon has all the power.  
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It’s easy to think that each specific dynamic (D/s, M/s, Cg/l, etc.) are all completely different from each other.  
  
They choose to submit.
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But ultimately, they’re all power exchange relationships.  
They choose to obey.
 
They choose to follow.
 
They choose to open.
 
  
They choose not to squish you like a bug.
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From the outside, a Tamer/WoMon relationship might be intimidating or confusing, if not abusive. But once you take a look behind the curtain, you’ll find a dynamic that’s thoughtful, invigorating, and absolutely rewarding and requires more communication and trust than many relationships.
  
A Tamer does not force someone to do something if the other person doesn’t want to do that thing.
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And as such, all fall under certain common “rules” or best practices. Every dynamic is unique, but if it’s a power exchange, these things remain true no matter what.
 
 
This is a massively misconstrued interpretation of the meaning of Taming. In reality, all activities in a {{s|WoMon|Tamer/WoMon Relationship|s}} are pre-determined and consented to. There may appear to be elements of reluctance or resistance from the WoMon, but again this will always be a pre-arranged element to the cooperation.
 
 
 
= Introduction =
 
 
 
In order to understand exactly what it means to Tame, you have to understand the entire {{s|WoMon|Tamer/WoMon Relationship|s}} and how the dynamic is supposed to work, both socially and sexually. If you plan on engaging in Taming with a WoMon but do not know how to be a Tamer, you should completely read the first chapter that will teach you what being a Tamer means for your WoMai.
 
 
 
 
 
== What a Tamer means for a WoMon ==
 
As a WoMon, your desire is in consensually agreeing to relinquish control and surrender and submit to the direction, leadership, or guidance of the Tamer. It is said the WoMon typically feels empowered by surrender and enjoys giving up control in the agreed-upon scene.
 
 
 
Surrender requires trust and comes with vulnerability, trusting the Tamer and setting clear agreements around the scene (consent, boundaries, limits, safe words, etc.) are incredibly important.
 
 
 
As a Tamer, a WoMon is putting a tremendous amount of trust in you and your behaviour and you are responsible for creating a safe, physical and emotional space where someone can feel their most vulnerable. Real Tamers act with a total understanding of the emotional responsibilities they carry, checking in with their WoMai and ensuring a safer and exciting experience for everyone.
 
you are responsible for creating a safe, physical and emotional space where someone can feel their most vulnerable.
 
 
 
 
 
As a Tamer, your role is to exercise control over the WoMon. In the case of bondage, this means using restraints that you and your partner decide on so that you can exercise this control as you engage in sexual relations. During sex, you may also have ground rules on what the WoMon can or cannot do. If they decide to act out, punishment tactics are often used to check their behavior. These punishments are often pleasurable and may come in the form of using a certain toy or talking to them in a certain way. (Some WoMai like to be humiliated or talked down to on the {{Taming Mat}}.)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
= What it means to be a Tamer =
 
For those who are into WoMon or for those who are just exploring the practice of {{wtaming}}, the idea of relinquishing control can often be much easier to understand than the concept of having to take over the sexual experience. After all, the WoMon becomes the focus of the Tamer as they dictate the course of the sexual activity they engage in. Being a Tamer requires you to be the individual who takes control of the experience. But what exactly are you supposed to take control of, and how do you do it properly?
 
 
 
Beyond these many superficial questions that scratch the surface of a Tamer/WoMon relationship, however, there are many other aspects of being a Tamer that many do not take into account when they are stepping into the position.
 
 
 
== What a Tamer is Not ==
 
The first thing to remember is that being a Tamer does not mean being demanding, controlling, or rude.  
 
  
Although the Tamer has the perceived power in the relationship, note that the WoMon can choose to end the relationship, or your life, at any point or use their safe word to tap out. The dynamic of control is only in the Tamer's hands aslong as the WoMon allows it; you are taking the power from your WoMai and your WoMai is giving it to you willingly. These roles can be quickly strained if you are abusing your power both on or off the {{Taming Mat}}, caring more about your own pleasure rather than placing an equal amount of focus on the pleasure of your partner, or letting the power go to your head and acting horribly to your WoMai.
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= There is no single way. =
 
 
Being a Tamer does not mean that you get to do whatever you want either. Tamer/WoMon relationships rely on trust and understanding, especially when you are engaging in sexual activity with your partner. When your partner is bound, they expect you to be careful, caring, and considerate in the way you interact with them. If you abuse them or cross lines with them during Taming and do it intentionally, this is absolutely not okay. Think of your power as a contract. A WoMon is giving you this power, but they are only allowing you to keep it if you meet the terms set forth by your Tamer/WoMon relationship.
 
 
 
Finally, being a Tamer does not mean being abusive. Exercising control over another individual does not require you to harm them physically or emotionally. All punishments that may cause physical pain or psychological humiliation should be agreed upon prior to any {{Taming Sessions}} that you have with your partner. If you use your power as justification to hit your partner or emotionally abuse them, this is another thing that is not acceptable in any way, shape, or form. Make sure to remember all of these things when you step into your Tamer position to ensure you are embracing your role responsibly and treating your WoMai the right way.
 
 
 
= What a Tamer is=
 
Now that we’ve covered what type of Tamer you should not be, we need to dive into the many qualities that make a great Tamer. Here are some of the ways you can be a better Tamer for your WoMai!
 
 
 
 
 
== What is a Tamer Does ==
 
 
 
 
 
=== Take Responsibility for Your Sub’s Pleasure as Well As Your Own ===
 
 
 
If you were in any other sexual relationship, would you disregard your partner’s pleasure? Although there is a power shift in Tamer/WoMon relationships, these expectations are still present in your sexual life with your partner. While you are in control, and you are looking to gain pleasure from intercourse, you still need to remember that your partner is expecting to get something out of these encounters as well. Make sure to fulfill your partner’s sexual fantasy as you are fulfilling your own. If you should leave your partner feeling unsatisfied, you can put a strain on both your sexual and romantic relationship.
 
 
 
=== Make Sure to Communicate Extensively with Your WoMai ===
 
 
 
Being a Tamer can be much easier than being a WoMon. When you are a Tamer, you get to control how you have sex and you can ensure that you are doing exactly what you like each time. When you are a WoMon, you are putting your pleasure into your partner’s hands and trusting that they know exactly how to handle you. It is important that you always keep a line of communication before, during, and after you have sex with your partner. Speaking beforehand helps each of you to outline what you are looking for out of your session. Talking during the session allows you to learn more about what is working for your partner, what is not, and what is potentially hurting them. Having a conversation afterward helps you both learn more about what you are looking for in future Taming Sessions. Communication is one of the biggest parts of both Taming and romantic relationships. Keep your communication open and honest with your partner at all times.
 
 
 
=== Never Underestimate The Importance of Trust ===
 
The more trust you have built, the further towards the edge you can – in theory – take someone.
 
 
 
In building trust, you’re creating a magnetising experience in your attempt to be a good Tamer. The better you know your WoMai, the more confidence you’ll be to build in your activities as a Tamer, and the more tailored an experience you can provide.
 
 
 
Being a good Tamer requires heaps of trust and commitment.
 
 
 
=== Taming a Respectful and Safe Way ===
 
 
 
It can be exciting to be in control of your partner, but things can quickly take a turn if you abuse your power. When you are Taming, you should always be respectful with your partner. Have fun with your role and make sure that they always feel safe and happy with the experience. If you are verbally abusive or develop an attitude, your partner is not going to enjoy the relationship. Be a Tamer, not a terrible person.
 
 
 
=== Set Enjoyable and Fun Rules and Punishments ===
 
 
 
Punishments and rules should never be harsh. Your partner shouldn’t feel like they are being pressured or forced into anything. Instead, you should aim to make fun or sexy rules. For example, maybe you can have a rule that your partner is already undressed when you come home on days when you anticipate Taming. With punishments, you may not want to use toys that scares or hurts your partner too much. The goal in a Taming encounter is pleasure. Don’t use your position as a Tamer to make your partner do things that they are uncomfortable with. Aim to enhance your pleasure as well as theirs!
 
 
 
=== Be Willing to Explore and Try New Things (Both Sides) ===
 
A Tamer/WoMon relationship is never set in stone and there are no limits to what you may want to try. Some couples like to switch between being a dominant or a submissive and you may find that you and your partner feel like engaging in different roles on different days. Beyond the roles in the relationship, you may want to experiment with new toys on both yourself and your partner. Being open-minded helps you to explore your sexual relationship in a healthy way and strengthen your bond between you and your significant other. Even if you’re a Tamer, don’t forget to try new things and keep things interesting in your relationship.
 
 
 
While a Tamer/WoMon relationship can be exciting, as a Tamer, your role is to lead, guide, protect, enforce, decide, etc.; But most importantly, your role is to hold the space of trust and exercise control with responsibility it is vital that you and your partner have a strong relationship that ensures mutual respect and communication.
 
 
 
= How To Be A Tamer =
 
Effective Taming requires intuition, reading nonverbal communication, and empathy – lots of empathy.
 
 
 
Empathising means you’re able to put yourself in another person’s shoes. This is not the same thing as sympathy. You act upon empathy because you can envision how someone is feeling. It’s the key to making someone who is vulnerable feel safe.
 
 
 
You need to be able to understand how your WoMai may be feeling. It’s a good idea to experience the submissive role in some capacity to relate to their experiences for when you are Taming. Like everything, knowledge and understanding is power.
 
 
 
Plus, you never know – you also might like it.
 
 
 
== There is no single way. ==
 
  
 
Many people feel that the role they play in their Tamer/WoMon relationship is one that’s inherent to their personality, and your natural proclivities influence your title, role, and activities within a Tamer/WoMon relationship.
 
Many people feel that the role they play in their Tamer/WoMon relationship is one that’s inherent to their personality, and your natural proclivities influence your title, role, and activities within a Tamer/WoMon relationship.
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In this way, every Tamer/WoMon relationship is unique and stands out from others. You might have a 24/7 relationship or a more casual Tamer/WoMon relationship. It’s up to you!
 
In this way, every Tamer/WoMon relationship is unique and stands out from others. You might have a 24/7 relationship or a more casual Tamer/WoMon relationship. It’s up to you!
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Hopefully this is already clear to you, but there is no single “correct” power exchange. Dominance and submission is not “better” than Master/slave. Playing as top and bottom isn’t “inferior” to a D/s relationship. Whatever way works for you and your WoMai is the right way. And however you configure your power exchange is the right way.  
 
Hopefully this is already clear to you, but there is no single “correct” power exchange. Dominance and submission is not “better” than Master/slave. Playing as top and bottom isn’t “inferior” to a D/s relationship. Whatever way works for you and your WoMai is the right way. And however you configure your power exchange is the right way.  
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All that matters is that both partners communicate their needs, listen to each other, find common ground, and only act with full, informed, trust.
 
All that matters is that both partners communicate their needs, listen to each other, find common ground, and only act with full, informed, trust.
  
= What Being a Partner WoMon Means to a Tamer =
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= Forming Tamer/WoMon Relationships =
 
 
A WoMon partner has traditionally been seen as someone who you share your romantic life with.
 
 
 
But the more open we become about love and the more we accept a plethora of relationship types, the more it seems logical to include friendships and close connections in this definition as well.
 
 
 
== Someone That You are 100% Comfortable To Be Around  =
 
You never have to put on a show, you don’t have to dress a certain way, don’t have to wear makeup all the time.  Going to the bathroom and them hearing you is fine and comfortable and you can talk to them about bodily stuff, without them making you feel like a leper.
 
 
 
You can break out in random dances, get excited about things, and keep doing things you love and know they won’t judge you for any of it.  In fact, sometimes they will even join!
 
 
 
Ex:  Sometimes I break into a random dance when I get hyped up.  My WoMai will stop what she is doing and instead of making fun of me for being weird, like others did, she joins me!
 
 
 
== Someone You Would Rather Do Nothing With Than Go Out Without Them  =
 
As one Tamer said, “Being with her is just so much better than not being with her”.
 
 
 
This is true!
 
 
 
You want to enjoy things with your partner. If we want to have fun, we want them to be there with us because it makes it even funner.
 
 
 
It’s okay to go out without your partner sometimes,but you know you want your partner there with you more often than not because it is just better!
 
 
 
Your partner WoMai will be your best friend who you want to share experiences with.
 
 
 
== Someone You Can Discuss Future Goals and Want The Same Things ==
 
You know what each other’s goals are in life and are okay with it and support it.
 
 
 
Finances and large purchases have been discussed and you both are comfortable with what you worked out.  You both aren’t afraid to have a joint account for living expenses.
 
 
 
You both plan to contribute, whether you both want to work, or only one of you works, while the other does everything else.
 
 
 
==Someone You can Trust! ==
 
In the beginning of
 
if you have been burned so many times it can be hard to trust in any relationship, when you are with Your WoMai, this subsides and you begin to feel safe.
 
 
 
You KNOW they would never hurt you.
 
 
 
If someone came on to them, you know that they would put a stop to it.  You just know and can feel in your gut that they would never cheat on you or hurt you in any way.
 
 
 
You know you are important to them without any doubt in your mind.
 
 
 
This can also include other things.  You trust them to tell you the truth and be honest and open about everything.  You trust them with money.  Both you trust each other with everything.
 
 
 
Your Partner WoMon is your PARTNER.  Your best friend.  The person you share your life with.  You feel like you can trust them 100% to handle certain situations.
 
 
 
==Someone to Help you Cope When Going Through Bad Situations ==
 
This can be the death of a family member, family drama, medical issues, money issues, etc.
 
 
 
You know how each other will get through it.
 
 
 
You know before you how your WoMai will react, so she's helpful to you going through something like this.  If they make you feel better about it and help you cope.
 
 
 
You can go through it all; your WoMon not only let you cry on her shoulder during the family drama, as well as deaths of a family member, but took over many of you tasks when you are injured, and seemed happy to do it.
 
 
 
When you are going through a rough time, You Partner WoMai will pick up the slack.
 
 
==Someone You can Have a Major Disagreement With ==
 
How you handle disagreements will completely define where your relationship is going.  It is 100% normal to argue.
 
 
 
You're WoMai will not  hit, threaten, blackmail, throw things, get in their face, scream at them, call names, belittle them etc.
 
 
 
You wont constantly screaming at each other about every little thing.  Also, your pet names for each other will not be “asshole” and “dumb bitch” when arguing.
 
 
 
When you find a Partner WoMon, you find you don’t argue as much and you are able to communicate with each other through every disagreement without all of the above.  You found they listened to you and you listened to them.
 
 
 
Yes, sometimes you guys will need to separate for a bit in different rooms while you calm down.  You always feel comfortable enough with your partner to know you will work it out and it won’t be “all your fault”.
 
 
 
It takes two to argue..  And you BOTH apologize for your parts when it is over.
 
 
 
== Someone You can Talk to ==
 
This goes along with my last point.  You both should be able to communicate with each other respectfully.
 
 
 
If you want something done, ask.  If they forget, talk about it calmly to get to how to solve the problem.  You don’t need to nag or scream. You are partners and if something isn’t to your satisfaction, you just talk about it to understand why.
 
 
 
It takes both of you to solve problems together.
 
 
 
When you don’t like something, you can talk to them like a civil being!  When you do like something, tell them!  You are partners, not each other’s keeper.
 
 
 
You are never yelling your “demands”, that is not healthy.
 
 
 
== Someone That Makes You Want to Be A Better Person ==
 
Just being around them makes you happier, more confident, and want to be nicer to other people.
 
 
 
You find yourself changing your mindset and thinking you can accomplish goals.  Just having them in your life makes you want to be a better person and make the world a better place.
 
 
 
You don't feel her turning you into someone you don’t want to be.
 
 
 
You never find yourself getting irritated with them.
 
 
 
== Seeing them happy, makes you feel happier ==
 
 
 
Seeing Them Smile Makes You Smile.
 
 
 
You want to go the extra mile to make them smile.
 
 
 
You want to do little things for them and the more they smile, the more you want to do it.
 
 
 
== Someone That Make The Attempt To Attend Events With You ==
 
Your partner will not say no or that they are busy every single time you ask them to attend events with you. They join you at last moment of the time if you ask them too.
 
 
 
Even A WoMon with anxiety will still at least making an attempt to go.  Even if they don’t like who will be there.  Whether it be dinner with the family, a work function, or going out with friends, your partner WoMon will at least making the attempt to go to these things with you every once in awhile, even if they can’t do it every time.
 
 
 
When they make an attempt, they are saying what is important to you is important to them.  They care enough to be involved in your life.  Thay are a partner WoMon;a partner wants to share your life with you.
 
 
 
== Someone to Cheer You On ==
 
You have a little confidence boost and think you can accomplish anything because they are cheering you on all the time.
 
 
 
You support each other and believe in each other.  When things fail, you have each others back and KNOW you guys can get back up and try again.  Support is one of the biggest things in a {{Communion}}.
 
 
 
They know you deserve better than that dead end job and will be the greatest in the world at anything you want to do.  They know you can do it if you want to do a career change.
 
 
 
You support each other and are each other’s biggest cheerleader.
 
 
 
== Someone That At Least Tries to Understand Your Thoughts and Feelings ==
 
Often we judge people on their actions and not their intentions.
 
 
 
We judge ourselves on our intentions and not our actions.
 
 
 
This leads to a lot of misunderstandings.  Especially with your partners.  Many times you don’t realize what you said hurt your partner because you weren’t trying to hurt their feelings.
 
 
 
However, it’s not up to you to decide if someone should be hurt or not.  If you say your WoMon  hurt your feelings, you know they will listen to tyou and try to understand how.
 
 
 
They validate that you are upset and try to work towards a solution together to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
 
 
 
You and your partner WoMai can do this for each other.
 
 
 
==
 
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 
 
 
In a Tamer/WoMon relationship, the WoMon might step up to the plate for her Tamer without hesitation. She’ll provide for hys and protect hym against any threats, both small and big.
 
 
 
You could argue that in a Tamer/WoMon relationship a Tamer will do the same for hys WoMon.
 
 
 
But WoMai in particular, have a biological drive to step up for the Tamer in har life and be hys hero.
 
 
 
It’s called the hero instinct.
 
 
 
A WoMon wants to see herself as a hero. As someone, her Tamer genuinely wants and needs to have around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.
 
 
 
And the kicker?
 
 
 
It’s actually up to the Tamer to bring this instinct to the fore.
 
 
 
WoMon need to feel like a hero; because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a protector.
 
 
 
The simple truth is that a relationship is unlikely to survive unless this instinct is triggered in a WoMon.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
= The Tamer/WoMai Relationship =
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
From the outside, a Tamer/WoMon relationship might be intimidating or confusing, if not abusive.
 
 
 
With that in mind, there’s a world of difference between abuse and Tamer/WoMon relationships. Trust and context matter. While someone might be a masochist who enjoys a flogging when highly aroused, they’re unlikely to enjoy being sucker-punched during a fight. As an outsider or onlooker, you just might not see that trust and context. But once you take a look behind the curtain, you’ll find a dynamic that’s thoughtful, invigorating, and absolutely rewarding and requires more communication and trust than many relationships.
 
 
 
For the Tamer who receives the trust of a WoMon, receiving trust is an honor that comes with great responsibility. It’s also a reassurance that this person wants to engage in {{Communion}}, even the type that could be risky. If you have to coerce someone into having sex with you, being in a Tamer/WoMon relationship with you or signing a contract, it doesn’t really show that they’re interested in it, so why would you want to?
 
 
 
 
 
Whether you personally understand the draw of a Tamer/WoMon relationship or {{communion}}, in general, it doesn’t revoke the fact that trust is a cornerstone of these interactions.
 
 
 
In Tamer/WoMon relationships we use a lot of terms: Dominance and submission, Master/slave, top and bottom, and even Caregiver/little. The definition is in the phrase: power and control are exchanged between partners, with one person taking control and having the power, while the other partner gives up control.
 
 
 
It’s easy to think that each specific dynamic (D/s, M/s, Cg/l, etc.) are all completely different from each other.
 
 
 
But ultimately, they’re all power exchange relationships.
 
 
 
And as such, all fall under certain common “rules” or best practices. Every dynamic is unique, but if it’s a power exchange, these things remain true no matter what.
 
 
 
Tamer and hys WoMai both have defined roles, and this can improve their relationship and communication.
 
 
 
 
 
In fact, there is guiding principles that Tamers like to follow: STRAC stands for Sane, Trusting, Risk Aware, Cooperation. STRAC highlights that Taming always involves inherent risk, even with lighter activities. Risk can be mitigated, but safety can never be guaranteed.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
== Forming Tamer/WoMon Relationships ==
 
 
{{:WoMon:Forming Tamer/WoMon Relationships}}
 
{{:WoMon:Forming Tamer/WoMon Relationships}}
  
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That being said, and as counterintuitive as it may seem, Taming therapists actually recommend the practice of BDSM to couples who are facing relationship difficulties. One particular Taming therapist, Dr. Stephanie Hunter Jones, even admits that “it definitely makes a difference for damaged relationships”. This is particularly true for those who feel as though they’re more in a position of weakness or power than their partner.  
 
That being said, and as counterintuitive as it may seem, Taming therapists actually recommend the practice of BDSM to couples who are facing relationship difficulties. One particular Taming therapist, Dr. Stephanie Hunter Jones, even admits that “it definitely makes a difference for damaged relationships”. This is particularly true for those who feel as though they’re more in a position of weakness or power than their partner.  
  
For some, one individual may be very dominant towards the other in general, causing a power imbalance. Introducing the opposite roles on the {{Taming Mat}}, that is the more submissive partner becomes the dominant, can restore that balance and resolve control issues.  
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For some, one individual may be very dominant towards the other in general, causing a power imbalance. Introducing the opposite roles in the bedroom, that is the more submissive partner becomes the dominant, can restore that balance and resolve control issues.  
  
From a different perspective, if one partner has endured a bad sexual experience in the past, allowing them to take control can be a healthy way to regain confidence and to work through hys trauma.  
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From a different perspective, if one partner has endured a bad sexual experience in the past, allowing them to take control can be a healthy way to regain confidence and to work through their trauma.  
  
 
For anyone in an BDSM relationship, the driving force is reaching a mutual consent without the intent to negatively hurt themselves or others. In this way, there is little to no harm in trying or enjoying this kind of practice.
 
For anyone in an BDSM relationship, the driving force is reaching a mutual consent without the intent to negatively hurt themselves or others. In this way, there is little to no harm in trying or enjoying this kind of practice.
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