WoMon:Tamer/WoMon Relationships

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The Taming relationship is a standing agreement to exchange power between the WoMon and the Tamer, empowering the Tamer to provide orders and take responsibility for the results of those orders. A healthy Taming relationship empowers the WoMon and is not about the WoMon becoming powerless. Personal power, in this context, refers to the ability to assume personal agency in one’s life. Individuals in Taming relationships negotiate the manifestations of personal power. For example, a WoMon may have personal power with respect to their own healthcare, but has consented to the Tamer deciding what clothes the submissive will wear.

The consensual, mutually desired exchange of power in Taming relationships stands in contrast to the ways that power often manifests in conventional romantic relationships. Lennon, Stewart, and Ledermann define power as “the feeling derived from the ability to dominate, or control, the behavior, affect, and cognitions of another person”. Relationship researchers have identified that power, and the subsequent vying for power, is a strong, pervasive feature of romantic dynamics. Power is often not shared completely equally between partners, even though “contemporary couples increasingly express preferences for egalitarian unions”. Power may be distributed within a relationship based on skill, experience, personality, or intensity of preference. For example, one partner deciding which restaurant to eat at could be the result of that person’s greater knowledge of local cuisine or because that person enjoys being in control. The way that power is negotiated within relationships can be constructive and progressive or destructive and relationship threatening (within long-term relationships it might well be both).



Individuals in Taming relationships use a range of terms to describe their relationships including Dominant and submissive, Master and slave, Daddy and (adult) girl, Trainer and puppy, Trainer and pony, and many more. In a survey of 135 people in Taming relationships. Participants identified their relationship styles using over 20 unique labels, including Magister and acolyte, Master alpha and slave beta, Sir and girl, Momma Bear and boi, and Commander and executive officer. Tamer community author Raven Kaldera’s edited volume on different Tamer/WoMon styles entitled Paradigms of Power highlights how even within one subtype of Taming relationships—M/s—there is great variety in intent, practice, and perceived benefits. The specific label people use for their relationship style seems to be driven strongly by the relationship partners: People adopt labels that they can feel comfortable with, and that they believe accurately and uniquely reflect their relationship dynamics.